It's been a long time since I've blogged. I've been thinking about doing this for MONTHS. Why does life get so busy that you start to lose the ability to do the things that you love to do? I love to journal, travel, listen to my music loudly, sleep in on Saturdays, go to the bathroom alone and watch what I want to on TV. Sound simple enough? Not anymore. I have 3yr old and a 20mo. I THINK about journaling ALL the time. But never find the time to do it. I used to be able travel spontaneously quite often, now I tote 2 small children limiting the distance and funds to do what I actually would love to do. Camping isn't possible yet. There's no way that I want to pack up my entire house to be able to function in a non baby proof enviornment. Granted we are no longer on the 2 hr window of napping. Yet, when they are little they still just require so much! I CANT wait to start vacationing with them....then again....it's also the time off, the expenses, funding the trip that will be the make or break. I used to be able to listen to music while I cleaned the house. I still can, to a certain volume, but I have to clean and watch and entertain two little ones all at the same time. Circus? Why yes, that's exactly what it feel like at times. And what's the big hype about it being the weekend when you are a parent?? You don't get to sleep in anymore. You might get to squeeze in a nap if your husband is actually home vs work on the weekends but even then it's been a fat chance. I have an audience when I go to the bathroom. Really, do they really need to WATCH your every move....?? Sigh...teaching privacy....LOL. And I'm pretty sure I can recite every show that airs on Nick Jr. LOL
My life has definitely changed...even 3 yrs later I'm still adjusting. BUT I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING. I love how my kids run up to me when I come home and yell "Mommy you're home! All done with work?" Yes honey, I'm all done. Lily clings to both my legs like the "Mommy wow, I'm a big kid now" commercial. :) She's talking more and more. My life is far from perfect, but it's my perfect. My husband is amazing. He's an incredible daddy to our children, provides, protects, supports, cherishes, loves all of us and we are always number one to him and it shows. My little world is chaotic, frustrating, stressful, hard, challenging and exhausting. Yet, I can't think of one single thing that would make me happier. Well of course we all wish for more money. But I have what money can't buy. Happiness, Family and Unconditional love! What else could you ask for?
I had some girl time tonight hanging out with my friend Kacie. We had a great time, ordered a pitcher of margaritas, that's right pitcher! Split some fajitas and when I tell you we were stuffed we were stufffffffed! I haven't felt that full in months!!! I never have the luxury to eat that long nor not share my meal. LOL. :)
Friday, July 26, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
911
Well here I sit in the OR waiting room waiting for the Doctor to come tell me how Dj's surgery went. This wasn't on my agenda...
At 3:00am Thur morning Dj awoke from a dead sleep with excruciating pain. He got up wasn't sure what he was doing but he didn't wake me...yet. He woke me to tell me that something was really wrong. He started rocking on his knees on our bed and started to cry. Waking up to this I was a little paralyzed and not entirely sure what to do or how to respond. Of course, I initially am a little irritated because I am so freaking exhausted and if it's not Lily waking me up now it's my husband. I asked him, "Do you think Motrin or norco will help?" He informed me that he had already taken a norco because he had just been seen at Urgent care less than 8hrs prior for his wrist inflammation that occurred again. He needed more pain meds and decided to be seen. I already harped on him for not getting a referral to the specialist and making an appointment There was nothing that his PCP or Urgent Care could do for him.
Now I'm looking at him and he is in excruciating pain. I told him if his pain level is that bad then he should go to the ER. He decides that is a good idea. Accept our two babies are asleep and I can't drive him. He was going to attempt to drive himself, made it to the driveway and came back inside. Came to our room and told me that he called 9-1-1 and the ambulance was on it's way. I was so shocked that this had escalated to a 9-1-1 status I again was paralyzed not sure what to do next. I had already just got up with Lily an hour prior and put her back down.
I got out of bed and was standing by the door waiting with him for the paramedics to arrive. He leaned against the wall and started moaning and crying. I of course was not so compassionate. At that moment I told him, "If you wake up Lily so help me God". In retrospect, perhaps that was inappropriate. In fact, I know it was but I couldn't help it. It was hard for me to understand what he was going through, what was happening and if his pain level was in fact that high to be transported by ambulance to the ED.
We see the lights from the Fire truck & ambulance coming down our street. He jokingly said, "Really? They sent a fire truck?" We walk outside to avoid any commotion in the house with the kids asleep. He made it to my Jeep and bent over on the hood and couldn't walk. The paramedics & firemen came up the driveway and I informed them of what was going on. They whisked him away in the ambulance and it was back to bed I go to try and get a little more sleep before what was to come the next day.
I finally fell back asleep and Lily woke up about 730. I checked my phone and all I had was one text from Dj saying "waiting to see what surgeon says". My first thought, surgery? What the heck?! Jayden starts yelling just cause he can. Good Morning my children. I get them up and start getting us all ready, call Nadia to ask if I can drop the kids off early so I can get over to the hospital to check on Dj.
Got kids dropped of shortly after 8. Called my mom to let her know. Was on my way to the hospital....
I get there just as the Physician is talking to Dj. Perfect.
CT scan= appendicitis
He's having surgery today.
Long story short. (shorter) He spent 12 hrs in the ED and went straight to the OR from there. His surgery was 1hr 20min after we were told probably about 30min. After waiting 3 hrs the Surgeon finally called me, by phone, apparently she didn't know there was family waiting. Bullshit. All that matters is that it went well, he did fine and he would be recovering 1-3 days.
After getting him settled I left and came home about 8pm. Got Jayden to bed about 9:15. Lily woke up at 10pm she was hungry. Woke up at 5am she was wet. Up and at em by 7. Got the kids ready, went and got a cup of coffee and gassed up the truck. Waited for my mom to come stay with the kids and back to the hospital I went.
Based on conversations I was expecting to take him home with me but that was not the case. He is still suffering from gad pain and can not switch to oral pain meds just yet so he is still on IV pain therapy. He's up and walking which is good. They removed his appendix laparoscopically.
In order to do this they had to fill up his belly with air and that's why he has such severe gas pain. Everyone I talked to said it's the most painful part until he passes it all. I never thought I would be so happy to hear the man fart and burp. But that means less internally which means less pain.
I left him again for the night at 5 headed home to the kiddos. Time to clean up and get ready for his homecoming tomorrow. My mom already did an amazing job helping me pick up the house and take care of the kids. I don't know what I would have done with out here. It helped so much to be able to leave them and know they were fine.
The real challenge is ahead of me as I try and take care of Dj once he's home keeping his pain levels under control and juggling a 1 & 3yr old and keep them OFF their daddy that they miss so much.
One more night solo then let the fun begin!
At 3:00am Thur morning Dj awoke from a dead sleep with excruciating pain. He got up wasn't sure what he was doing but he didn't wake me...yet. He woke me to tell me that something was really wrong. He started rocking on his knees on our bed and started to cry. Waking up to this I was a little paralyzed and not entirely sure what to do or how to respond. Of course, I initially am a little irritated because I am so freaking exhausted and if it's not Lily waking me up now it's my husband. I asked him, "Do you think Motrin or norco will help?" He informed me that he had already taken a norco because he had just been seen at Urgent care less than 8hrs prior for his wrist inflammation that occurred again. He needed more pain meds and decided to be seen. I already harped on him for not getting a referral to the specialist and making an appointment There was nothing that his PCP or Urgent Care could do for him.
Now I'm looking at him and he is in excruciating pain. I told him if his pain level is that bad then he should go to the ER. He decides that is a good idea. Accept our two babies are asleep and I can't drive him. He was going to attempt to drive himself, made it to the driveway and came back inside. Came to our room and told me that he called 9-1-1 and the ambulance was on it's way. I was so shocked that this had escalated to a 9-1-1 status I again was paralyzed not sure what to do next. I had already just got up with Lily an hour prior and put her back down.
I got out of bed and was standing by the door waiting with him for the paramedics to arrive. He leaned against the wall and started moaning and crying. I of course was not so compassionate. At that moment I told him, "If you wake up Lily so help me God". In retrospect, perhaps that was inappropriate. In fact, I know it was but I couldn't help it. It was hard for me to understand what he was going through, what was happening and if his pain level was in fact that high to be transported by ambulance to the ED.
We see the lights from the Fire truck & ambulance coming down our street. He jokingly said, "Really? They sent a fire truck?" We walk outside to avoid any commotion in the house with the kids asleep. He made it to my Jeep and bent over on the hood and couldn't walk. The paramedics & firemen came up the driveway and I informed them of what was going on. They whisked him away in the ambulance and it was back to bed I go to try and get a little more sleep before what was to come the next day.
I finally fell back asleep and Lily woke up about 730. I checked my phone and all I had was one text from Dj saying "waiting to see what surgeon says". My first thought, surgery? What the heck?! Jayden starts yelling just cause he can. Good Morning my children. I get them up and start getting us all ready, call Nadia to ask if I can drop the kids off early so I can get over to the hospital to check on Dj.
Got kids dropped of shortly after 8. Called my mom to let her know. Was on my way to the hospital....
I get there just as the Physician is talking to Dj. Perfect.
CT scan= appendicitis
He's having surgery today.
Long story short. (shorter) He spent 12 hrs in the ED and went straight to the OR from there. His surgery was 1hr 20min after we were told probably about 30min. After waiting 3 hrs the Surgeon finally called me, by phone, apparently she didn't know there was family waiting. Bullshit. All that matters is that it went well, he did fine and he would be recovering 1-3 days.
After getting him settled I left and came home about 8pm. Got Jayden to bed about 9:15. Lily woke up at 10pm she was hungry. Woke up at 5am she was wet. Up and at em by 7. Got the kids ready, went and got a cup of coffee and gassed up the truck. Waited for my mom to come stay with the kids and back to the hospital I went.
Based on conversations I was expecting to take him home with me but that was not the case. He is still suffering from gad pain and can not switch to oral pain meds just yet so he is still on IV pain therapy. He's up and walking which is good. They removed his appendix laparoscopically.
In order to do this they had to fill up his belly with air and that's why he has such severe gas pain. Everyone I talked to said it's the most painful part until he passes it all. I never thought I would be so happy to hear the man fart and burp. But that means less internally which means less pain.
I left him again for the night at 5 headed home to the kiddos. Time to clean up and get ready for his homecoming tomorrow. My mom already did an amazing job helping me pick up the house and take care of the kids. I don't know what I would have done with out here. It helped so much to be able to leave them and know they were fine.
The real challenge is ahead of me as I try and take care of Dj once he's home keeping his pain levels under control and juggling a 1 & 3yr old and keep them OFF their daddy that they miss so much.
One more night solo then let the fun begin!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Mixed emotions
Only in the last hour I've been able to wind down. Lily woke back up Jayden just went down late. Turned on some tv saw something sad and let the water works begin. I think after last night and being so tiring mentally, emotionally and physically my body is tense, my shoulders aches, I never catch enough sleep and I'm now in an indescribable mode. I can't rest, I can't relax, work is tense and I need an outlet. For now I guess that is wine and blogging. Thankful 1/2 way through the week!!
Tests of all tests
Tonight was one of those mommy hair pulling, nerve pinching, heart melting, belly laughing, lip biting, deep breaths kind of kid night. For whatever reason Jayden decided he was going to express himself in screams, meltdowns and tantrums. I have NEVER seen him act the way he did tonight. Protested every single routine. Whew. Once I was able to take a mommy break I was able to go back into Jayden's room, hold him, rock him, even sang to him. I don't know what took over him tonight. But mommy loves every side of you my dear sweet Jayden. To the moon and back. ♥ Forever your mommy ♥
A post from my facebook page tonight https://www.facebook.com/hayes.christy
Tonight was exhausting to say the least. Here is the detailed version. Lengthy, read at our own leisure. From the moment I picked the kids up from daycare. Non stop. Starting with the typical flip out when I pick them up and the daycare's daughter (same age as Jayden) comes to the door and steps outsdie. Jayden consistantly protests this action for the past couple weeks. "No Maya! No! No!" Grabs her shirt, pulls her hair, scratches her, pinches her, kicks, hit. You name it he tries it. For whatever reason he has become VERY territorial of his house. He does NOT want her to come over. In the past she escapes, runs to our house, opens the door and comes in. We laughed in the past. Apparently it is no joking matter to Jayden any longer. This is HIS house. He freaks out walking past the lavendar on our front porch because he hears the bees. Thinks he's going to get stung like mommy did (3 days ago).
The kids are hungry the moment we walk in the door. It's after 5pm. I start to make them some dinner and Maya and her older brother wander over to our front yard. Jayden's like a guard dog and immediately runs to the front screen door, locks it, and says, "No Maya! You're not coming in here." The two of them are outside, my two are inside. I observe. They start kicking and hitting the screen door I tell them to stop. Nazar, the older brother, decides he wants to catch the big moth mounted on our wall. The littles watch, now Jayden is interested and wants to go outside. Unfortunately, I tell him no, we are not going out front (I don't feel like chasing Lily nor playing referre to Jayden and Maya). Jayden opens the door, which triggers Lily to try and escape. I pull Jayden back in, Lily starts crying, Jayden starts crying. I shut both doors. Meltdown city in surround sound. Awesome! I redirect their attention the backyard. Lily is all for it, Jayden is not having it. Meltdown and screams continue. Time out given.
Fast forward 30 min. I smell poop. Lily's finally pooped. She's constipated. Both my children suffer from it (no matter how hard I try and control their diet). I change her, I change him. I decide it's bath time. Que the next meltdown for Jayden and the whining. "I don't want to take a bath!" Sorry buddy, you're dirty, time for a bath. I throw them both in the bath. Lily is my water baby, I have to keep her from diving in most of the time. Jayden hates baths. And when I say hate, I mean this boy would never ever take a bath if I let him. Tears undressing, refused to sit, I washed him standing, it made him mad so he starts to stomp in the bathtub. I wouldn't have mind so much except his poor little sister is sitting in the tub getting splashed in the face looking at him like the crazy 3yr old he is. I warn him. Finished washing his body and face (no hair tonight or the world would end as we know it). Told him all done and you can get out now. I wrap him in a towel he gets to the door way, throws it off in protest and runs butt naked into the living room. Fine, you're going to get cold. I go back to washing my angel Lily girl, who is having a ball now that her sissy la la of a brother is out of her way. I get her out, get her dressed.
Jayden is naked on the couch playing with his peepee. After 15min or so he informs me that he does not want a pee. Mind you, he has been pulling on it, squeezing it, flopping it around while watching TV. I'm sitting on the other couch cracking up at my innocent 3yr old's body play. He's never naked, it's only natural. This is not an everyday occurence in our house. I ask him why he doesn't want a peepee. No answer. I say, "You have a peepee like Daddy and Lily has one like Mommy because we are girls" Perhaps that was too much because his response was, "Can I see?" I respond, "It's just like
Lily's honey." Knowing that she was just naked and in the bath was enough for his memory to connect the dots apparently. Whew. Dodged the vagina and penis comparison. Awesome. Lily goes to bed. My lil hellion, I mean angel left. He's now barking orders that he wants his "favorite fruit" (x20). Ummm, "strawberries?" "NO!" "orange?" "NO!" "banana?" "NO!" "apple" "NO....YES!" Ok, good He's eating and watching a cartoon. All of a sudden I see him spit his apple out behind the couch (it's not against the wall). Excuse me! We do not spit out our food! Pick that up right now! 1....2....he picks it up and throws it in the kitchen. Jayden! Pick that up and put it in the trash we do not spit or throw our food on the floor! 1....2.....3....SPANK! Tears. Hugs. Explanation. At this point my patience is running low. We continue to experience screams, tantrums, etc. By 7pm, I've had it, I grab him (after giving him the usual warnings) and put him to bed. I tell him it's not ok to act like this. It's not ok. He of course flips out. I give him 5min and let him try on more time to come out in the living room. He wants my work laptop, no. "I want to wait until you're done" lol. You can have daddy's computer. "I want to watch a movie" Ok which one? "ummm Ice age." Ok sure. Watching ice age. I make popcorn and he flips out because he wants the big bowl. Here we go again. I make it to 8pm and off to bed he goes!! 8:30 he's still yelling "I. DONT. WANT. TO GO. TO. BED!!!" "ahhhhhhhh" I think he's even starting to yell the word "crap" but im not sure.
I didn't go to bed til midnight. Pure exhaustion.
A post from my facebook page tonight https://www.facebook.com/hayes.christy
Tonight was exhausting to say the least. Here is the detailed version. Lengthy, read at our own leisure. From the moment I picked the kids up from daycare. Non stop. Starting with the typical flip out when I pick them up and the daycare's daughter (same age as Jayden) comes to the door and steps outsdie. Jayden consistantly protests this action for the past couple weeks. "No Maya! No! No!" Grabs her shirt, pulls her hair, scratches her, pinches her, kicks, hit. You name it he tries it. For whatever reason he has become VERY territorial of his house. He does NOT want her to come over. In the past she escapes, runs to our house, opens the door and comes in. We laughed in the past. Apparently it is no joking matter to Jayden any longer. This is HIS house. He freaks out walking past the lavendar on our front porch because he hears the bees. Thinks he's going to get stung like mommy did (3 days ago).
The kids are hungry the moment we walk in the door. It's after 5pm. I start to make them some dinner and Maya and her older brother wander over to our front yard. Jayden's like a guard dog and immediately runs to the front screen door, locks it, and says, "No Maya! You're not coming in here." The two of them are outside, my two are inside. I observe. They start kicking and hitting the screen door I tell them to stop. Nazar, the older brother, decides he wants to catch the big moth mounted on our wall. The littles watch, now Jayden is interested and wants to go outside. Unfortunately, I tell him no, we are not going out front (I don't feel like chasing Lily nor playing referre to Jayden and Maya). Jayden opens the door, which triggers Lily to try and escape. I pull Jayden back in, Lily starts crying, Jayden starts crying. I shut both doors. Meltdown city in surround sound. Awesome! I redirect their attention the backyard. Lily is all for it, Jayden is not having it. Meltdown and screams continue. Time out given.
Fast forward 30 min. I smell poop. Lily's finally pooped. She's constipated. Both my children suffer from it (no matter how hard I try and control their diet). I change her, I change him. I decide it's bath time. Que the next meltdown for Jayden and the whining. "I don't want to take a bath!" Sorry buddy, you're dirty, time for a bath. I throw them both in the bath. Lily is my water baby, I have to keep her from diving in most of the time. Jayden hates baths. And when I say hate, I mean this boy would never ever take a bath if I let him. Tears undressing, refused to sit, I washed him standing, it made him mad so he starts to stomp in the bathtub. I wouldn't have mind so much except his poor little sister is sitting in the tub getting splashed in the face looking at him like the crazy 3yr old he is. I warn him. Finished washing his body and face (no hair tonight or the world would end as we know it). Told him all done and you can get out now. I wrap him in a towel he gets to the door way, throws it off in protest and runs butt naked into the living room. Fine, you're going to get cold. I go back to washing my angel Lily girl, who is having a ball now that her sissy la la of a brother is out of her way. I get her out, get her dressed.
Jayden is naked on the couch playing with his peepee. After 15min or so he informs me that he does not want a pee. Mind you, he has been pulling on it, squeezing it, flopping it around while watching TV. I'm sitting on the other couch cracking up at my innocent 3yr old's body play. He's never naked, it's only natural. This is not an everyday occurence in our house. I ask him why he doesn't want a peepee. No answer. I say, "You have a peepee like Daddy and Lily has one like Mommy because we are girls" Perhaps that was too much because his response was, "Can I see?" I respond, "It's just like
Lily's honey." Knowing that she was just naked and in the bath was enough for his memory to connect the dots apparently. Whew. Dodged the vagina and penis comparison. Awesome. Lily goes to bed. My lil hellion, I mean angel left. He's now barking orders that he wants his "favorite fruit" (x20). Ummm, "strawberries?" "NO!" "orange?" "NO!" "banana?" "NO!" "apple" "NO....YES!" Ok, good He's eating and watching a cartoon. All of a sudden I see him spit his apple out behind the couch (it's not against the wall). Excuse me! We do not spit out our food! Pick that up right now! 1....2....he picks it up and throws it in the kitchen. Jayden! Pick that up and put it in the trash we do not spit or throw our food on the floor! 1....2.....3....SPANK! Tears. Hugs. Explanation. At this point my patience is running low. We continue to experience screams, tantrums, etc. By 7pm, I've had it, I grab him (after giving him the usual warnings) and put him to bed. I tell him it's not ok to act like this. It's not ok. He of course flips out. I give him 5min and let him try on more time to come out in the living room. He wants my work laptop, no. "I want to wait until you're done" lol. You can have daddy's computer. "I want to watch a movie" Ok which one? "ummm Ice age." Ok sure. Watching ice age. I make popcorn and he flips out because he wants the big bowl. Here we go again. I make it to 8pm and off to bed he goes!! 8:30 he's still yelling "I. DONT. WANT. TO GO. TO. BED!!!" "ahhhhhhhh" I think he's even starting to yell the word "crap" but im not sure.
I didn't go to bed til midnight. Pure exhaustion.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Busy little bees
Today was busy! Woke up and got me and the kids ready for Easter pics. Headed out picked up donuts on the way and it was show time. We had some breakfast first. Got Lily ready by doing her hair, a moment that sometimes is filled with squirming and whining...sometimes complete stillness. It still is a moment I thoroughly enjoy and will forever cherish. We go outside and let the games begin! Jayden runs off to play, Lily runs off to play in the water toys. Bring on the bunnies! Their next door neighbor Pat hands over 3 bunnies over the fence (in cages) and we are herding the "cattle" bunnies & babies! Manny is still not satisfied with the lighting (aka the suns position). He continues to maneuver the background, rotate, switch out equipment, Jayden won't look up or stop squinting because the sun is too bright. We get a cover to provide some shade but not too much to shade the photos. I'm grabbing bunnies and babies, easter eggs & baskets..startin to bust a sweat. The backyard is is a tad under construction and the plantar box is muddy. Lily keeps crossing over it, which means when she leans over to take a step she's stepping on her dress, the dress is starting to get muddy. Jaydens pants are getting wet from him playing in the water. Once the bunnies jumped all over the yard they finally stayed put. Time to bust out some bribes...bring on the m&m's!! It worked! We got SOME pics, of course having them BOTH sit still, look up AND smile is nothing shy of a miracle.
Not 5min after we leave they are both passed out on the way home. I always love seeing to sleeping kids in the rear view mirror until I realize when I get home I'm the only one getting both kids out of the car and laying them down for naps. Needless to say only one stayed asleep and Mr J relaxed on the couch but never napped.
Backing up, before we got home, my neighbor was walking down the street as I was turning the corner. I waived hello and she motioned for me to roll down the window. She informed me that her two yr old daughter was missing. She said she was walking this direction while her 10yr old son walked the other direction looking for her. I had my eyes peeled as I slowly drove up to our house. Thankfully as I approached our driveway I saw the two kids walking past. I immediately phoned my friend and told her that her son had found her. Apparently, she made it all the way around the corner and was about to cross the street to go to the park behind our block!! Thankfully a neighbor was outside washing his car when he noticed her unattended. Prevented her from crossing and walked her back towards the direction she came from when her brother came. Mom was ready to call 911 to report a missing child. This all took place in 2min putting the clothes in the dryer and POOF the little Houdini vanished that fast!!
So, while Jayden is begging I step outside after texting her back and forth for 30min we decide to have a glass of wine to help calm the nerves. We're standing outside chatting about what happened (she lives 2 doors down we are standing in between our houses) and as I go to walk back home I take two steps on our front lawn and get stung by a bee! Ouch!! Her husband walks over to hand me one of Dj's tools back and I said, "I think I just got stung!" He asks if I got he stinger out and I'm like I don't know! It just happened 30 seconds ago! Lol, Mr. Paramedic checked my foot & no stinger thankfully it came out when I pinched/rubbed my foot out of reaction. I go inside and immediately ice it. Mind you, I already took Motrin & Sudafed for allergy relief. Just had a glass of wine and now have a bee sting on the inside arch of my foot! Nevertheless, I'm feelin mighty fine and couldn't care less. Haha! Dj gets home and I'm off to the store to grocery shopping. Swollen foot and all. :)
I go back to Tiffany's to get some eggs from her chickens, browse some of the pics and decide to check out the neighborhood Fresh & Easy market. I liked it! It was literally fresh & easy! And I like their prices! Ill be going back again :)
After my return home, juggling toddlers running outside while unloading groceries from the car we let the kids run around a bit. Except, Jayden wasn't listening to daddy say put some pants and shoes on. Which eventually led to a time out, inside, where it was meltdown city. Cranky boy, no nap. Wonderful. He takes off to go work on his engine at a friends house now it's "tag you're it" my turn again with the kid duty. Felt like its been a marathon of a day.
I do not want to go to work tomorrow. Oh we'll back to the grind.
Not 5min after we leave they are both passed out on the way home. I always love seeing to sleeping kids in the rear view mirror until I realize when I get home I'm the only one getting both kids out of the car and laying them down for naps. Needless to say only one stayed asleep and Mr J relaxed on the couch but never napped.
Backing up, before we got home, my neighbor was walking down the street as I was turning the corner. I waived hello and she motioned for me to roll down the window. She informed me that her two yr old daughter was missing. She said she was walking this direction while her 10yr old son walked the other direction looking for her. I had my eyes peeled as I slowly drove up to our house. Thankfully as I approached our driveway I saw the two kids walking past. I immediately phoned my friend and told her that her son had found her. Apparently, she made it all the way around the corner and was about to cross the street to go to the park behind our block!! Thankfully a neighbor was outside washing his car when he noticed her unattended. Prevented her from crossing and walked her back towards the direction she came from when her brother came. Mom was ready to call 911 to report a missing child. This all took place in 2min putting the clothes in the dryer and POOF the little Houdini vanished that fast!!
So, while Jayden is begging I step outside after texting her back and forth for 30min we decide to have a glass of wine to help calm the nerves. We're standing outside chatting about what happened (she lives 2 doors down we are standing in between our houses) and as I go to walk back home I take two steps on our front lawn and get stung by a bee! Ouch!! Her husband walks over to hand me one of Dj's tools back and I said, "I think I just got stung!" He asks if I got he stinger out and I'm like I don't know! It just happened 30 seconds ago! Lol, Mr. Paramedic checked my foot & no stinger thankfully it came out when I pinched/rubbed my foot out of reaction. I go inside and immediately ice it. Mind you, I already took Motrin & Sudafed for allergy relief. Just had a glass of wine and now have a bee sting on the inside arch of my foot! Nevertheless, I'm feelin mighty fine and couldn't care less. Haha! Dj gets home and I'm off to the store to grocery shopping. Swollen foot and all. :)
I go back to Tiffany's to get some eggs from her chickens, browse some of the pics and decide to check out the neighborhood Fresh & Easy market. I liked it! It was literally fresh & easy! And I like their prices! Ill be going back again :)
After my return home, juggling toddlers running outside while unloading groceries from the car we let the kids run around a bit. Except, Jayden wasn't listening to daddy say put some pants and shoes on. Which eventually led to a time out, inside, where it was meltdown city. Cranky boy, no nap. Wonderful. He takes off to go work on his engine at a friends house now it's "tag you're it" my turn again with the kid duty. Felt like its been a marathon of a day.
I do not want to go to work tomorrow. Oh we'll back to the grind.
Back in action
It's been a long time. Too long. I wonder why sometimes I don't continue to do the things I love to do, like write and then I look at my children. Oh that's right, that's why. These two keep me running...ragged. Sometimes my heart breaks because they are growing up so fast and it kills me that time moves so quickly. Other times I pray to God time would just fast forward already. The day when I no longer have a baby monitor next to my bed. The day I never have to change a diaper. Or wipe a butt. I would say wipe a dirty face but that will probably never change at least not for awhile. The days when I'm most frustrated I have taught myself for the most part to just simply smile through it. Freeze that moment when you want to join them in screaming at the top of your lungs, throw yourself on the ground and have a complete fit throwing meltdown tantrum right next to them. I wonder what their reaction would be? Jayden would probably tell me Mommy needs a time out. Lily would look at me with complete shock and think her mommy has lost her mind.
It's 1am and I'm finally starting to feel sleepy. I've had a great weekend so far. Tomorrow I'm taking the kids over to Tiffany & Manny's to take Easter pics. Now that Jayden got a haircut today and my child no longer looks like an orphan he's picture ready. Looking forward to tomorrow.
It's 1am and I'm finally starting to feel sleepy. I've had a great weekend so far. Tomorrow I'm taking the kids over to Tiffany & Manny's to take Easter pics. Now that Jayden got a haircut today and my child no longer looks like an orphan he's picture ready. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Kaiser BLEEPING sucks!
My brother had his jaw surgery today.
I still can't fathom how incompetent his nurse was/is.
When he came into recovery he was given (all which was allowed/Dr was to order), no water, no xanax, no pain meds, she smacked her gum while jerking him around. He couldn't speak when he tried to say "Help, help, help" Pain level was at a 9. No Vaseline for his lips, he can't lick them. Nose starts to bleed, can't blow his nose, supposed to use q-tips and there are none. Nurse eventually gives him water and sets the container down, he can't drink through a cup or straw it needs to be put into a syringe left to do so on his own. Using ice packs that were NOT sufficient. They need to be ICE cold for his face at all times, they were the ones you put ice and water in, it took too long to become cold. Unbelieveable.
Yet the "kid" two doors down had the same surgery 4 hrs before my brother and was sitting up in his bed eating jello with his ice packs properly wrapped around his head. WTF?!
I hate Kaiser.
With a passion.
I still can't fathom how incompetent his nurse was/is.
When he came into recovery he was given (all which was allowed/Dr was to order), no water, no xanax, no pain meds, she smacked her gum while jerking him around. He couldn't speak when he tried to say "Help, help, help" Pain level was at a 9. No Vaseline for his lips, he can't lick them. Nose starts to bleed, can't blow his nose, supposed to use q-tips and there are none. Nurse eventually gives him water and sets the container down, he can't drink through a cup or straw it needs to be put into a syringe left to do so on his own. Using ice packs that were NOT sufficient. They need to be ICE cold for his face at all times, they were the ones you put ice and water in, it took too long to become cold. Unbelieveable.
Yet the "kid" two doors down had the same surgery 4 hrs before my brother and was sitting up in his bed eating jello with his ice packs properly wrapped around his head. WTF?!
I hate Kaiser.
With a passion.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I still do...
The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and weaknesses, and still thinks you are amazing.
Puts a whole new meaning on the "phrase" doesn't it???
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they c...ome into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life..."
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they c...ome into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life..."
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Food for thought
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!" ♥
Thank you
you made my heart grow fonder.
Thanks to those who cared,
you made me feel important.
Thanks to those who entered into my life,
You made me who I am today.
Thanks to those who left,
you showed me nothing lasts forever.
Thanks to those who stayed,
you showed me true friendship.
Thanks to those who listened,
you made me feel like I was worth it.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Frankie J - Obsesion (No Es Amor)
I love it when people never respond to texts messages. Just to at least give a conclusion, an ending, something.
Leads to a minor obsession....which THAT leads to being out of proportion. Have you ever experienced an obsession? I think you might have, I'd ask to be "released from this obsession" but I already know that will only initiate a cold, rude, mean text that I don't want. So I guess being ignored or receiving the silence is better in a sense.
Today was actually a better day. It was a lazy Sunday and started a little rocky, but turned out to be a really good day. Even understanding the one person that has no obligation to listen what so ever, disappointed me. Doesn't matter that they did. No obligation what so ever to make it better, change the facts, nor even look back in my direction. I don't matter, that is the one thing I do know and understand. What I don't understand is everything that I held "holy" is crumbling. Images that I thought still stood true are dissipating right before my eyes. Perhaps that is what I need. It's as if the "pedastool" is being yanked out from underneath you. You aren't the person that I remembered you as. Yes, people change. Yes, it's ok to become different. Yet, let's put it this way. Initially, you looked amazing...yet now, I have the absolute worst bitter taste in my mouth and all I can do is spit you out.
Are you thinking, wow this is just drama you didn't need? Well lets put it this way, I maybe almost 9mo pregnant and emotional and hormonal which is perhaps where the base of this is steming from...but you are NOT innocent. It only took 48hrs to know exactly how she feels....so what's your excuse?
Just keeps getting "better and better"
Last night was crazy. Just when you think you've had enough and can't take any more....BAM. Literally. Night time always seems to be harder. The past 2 nights have been the most challenging yet, easiest at the same time. Weird how that happens. But the past week has been by far the worst.
Go figure, it was my first week off work and shit hit the fan. Letting all the work stress go, keeping up with Jayden, DJ working like crazy (like usual) yet we've been arguing, plus keeping up with household chores, my brother having jaw surgery in 3 days, my dad.....I can't even speak on that. Then you add myself. I'm 8 1/2 mo pregnant. I am on disability due to pregnancy, hypothyroidism, high blood pressure and anxiety. The pregnancy in itself is the most challenging I have dealt with internally. With it comes SO MANY symptoms. One small thing people seem to forget is emotions, hormones (which I'm already off balance with thyroid), and sensitivity.
Is it fair to treat a damn near 9mo pregnant woman as if she was "normal"? I'm not asking for special treatment. I'm just asking for you to be a little more AWARE that I AM TRYING my absolute BEST to maintain control. What grasp I can actually hold on to....
Yet the moment something bothers me, upsets me, hurts my feelings etc, I'M THE ONE who is in the wrong. I'm being ridiculous. I'm crazy. I'm.....whatever. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel???? My feelings aren't validated therefore what I'm feeling must be absolutely absurd. I can't possibly feel like this. Makes me feel incredibly stupid..
I'm having such a hard time because I DO NOT like to feel like I'm whining! I'm not a whiner. I HATE feeling like this. I hate not being able to SHAKE these feelings off. I can't do what I want. I can't do so many things and it frustrates me. I can't just relax, yet I don't have the energy to do anything. Which is NOT me. This last trimester is kicking my ass!!
I have tried to open up to and talk a little about it yet I continue to get blown off. Just reinforces everything I'm comfortable with.....suppressing it all. We all have our own problems right? No one wants to hear about others? Therefore, I'm just not going to talk about it. I'm going to try my hardest to pretend nothing is wrong and everything is fine.
So that's it. Power of positive thinking...or denial which ever deemed appropriate. =)
Go figure, it was my first week off work and shit hit the fan. Letting all the work stress go, keeping up with Jayden, DJ working like crazy (like usual) yet we've been arguing, plus keeping up with household chores, my brother having jaw surgery in 3 days, my dad.....I can't even speak on that. Then you add myself. I'm 8 1/2 mo pregnant. I am on disability due to pregnancy, hypothyroidism, high blood pressure and anxiety. The pregnancy in itself is the most challenging I have dealt with internally. With it comes SO MANY symptoms. One small thing people seem to forget is emotions, hormones (which I'm already off balance with thyroid), and sensitivity.
Is it fair to treat a damn near 9mo pregnant woman as if she was "normal"? I'm not asking for special treatment. I'm just asking for you to be a little more AWARE that I AM TRYING my absolute BEST to maintain control. What grasp I can actually hold on to....
Yet the moment something bothers me, upsets me, hurts my feelings etc, I'M THE ONE who is in the wrong. I'm being ridiculous. I'm crazy. I'm.....whatever. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel???? My feelings aren't validated therefore what I'm feeling must be absolutely absurd. I can't possibly feel like this. Makes me feel incredibly stupid..
I'm having such a hard time because I DO NOT like to feel like I'm whining! I'm not a whiner. I HATE feeling like this. I hate not being able to SHAKE these feelings off. I can't do what I want. I can't do so many things and it frustrates me. I can't just relax, yet I don't have the energy to do anything. Which is NOT me. This last trimester is kicking my ass!!
I have tried to open up to and talk a little about it yet I continue to get blown off. Just reinforces everything I'm comfortable with.....suppressing it all. We all have our own problems right? No one wants to hear about others? Therefore, I'm just not going to talk about it. I'm going to try my hardest to pretend nothing is wrong and everything is fine.
So that's it. Power of positive thinking...or denial which ever deemed appropriate. =)
Friday, October 14, 2011
Zac Brown Band - Quiet Your Mind #7 (With Lyrics)
Can't sleep. Thought this song would help... eh not so much.
Now I'm hot and restless. I am sitting outside in my backyard on the cool pavement because I.....
the cold, cold pavement feels good on my skin. I don't want to stand and take another shower and I'm too hot for a bath...I think an adivan is a must right now.
I had a good night. A good time with Jayden and a good time AWAY from home. I'm almost done with this pregnancy I just need to hang on, but I am SO DONE. Slaps me with the reality of how dependent I am on substances when times get tough. No one likes to be sober, of course. Yet when you have NO choice but to remain sober it's a different reality in which you face moving forward.
I'm glad I didn't get into my drama tonight. Yes, perhaps I mentioned 1 or 2 things, but that was just the sprinkles on the sundae. Why do I default to supressing it all? Oh that's right, because no one fucking understands me or "it". It is SO frustrating to continue to explain over and over again the why's, etc. I don't need to be judged, I don't need random comments made about my family either. I just want to be heard and understood. Silly me, I walked away from the only other person who got me besides my mother (even that is limited). What the hell was I thinking?
Can't rewind and you can't fast forward. You can only grasp and form the present into what you want it to be and what you can make of it.
"Soak it all in, it's a game you can't win, enjoy the ride...."
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Missing Someone
"Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something & wishing they we're right there by your side"
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
No Clue
Last night I was in tears 3x due to your words.
Tonight, isn't looking any brighter. I am so beyond frustrated and all you can do is focus on yourdemanding job that frustrates you. So I'm supposed to stroke your back and tell you I'm sorry you have a boss that is so unorganized and likes to dip into the fund for the fleet and not maintain his trucks for his employees so now ALL OF THEM are broken! I told you to go above him, or go to HR, it's not about him being a sorry ass manager now it's been about your safety for quite sometime. You come home in a foul ass mood and treat me like shit because of how your long day went. Today you got stranded because the truck broke down and there was fuel everywhere, all over the engine. Ummmm hello you're lucky it didn't explode in your face and you didn't die (yes I'm aware I'm exaggerating)! Is it just me or can you not see the SAFETY concerns here??
I am not a high maintenance woman. I do not complain. I do not give you a hard time because your job requires you to be away from your family more than you are home with us. I do not tell you that something has to change. I do not tell you that I'm lonely. I do not tell you that I'm stressed. I do not tell you that I'm frustrated. I do not tell you because I do not want to add to your plate.
What I do tell you is through tears when you consistantly hurt my feelings because YOU'RE frustrated. I do tell you that I miss you. I do tell you when you have hurt my feelings.
Yet, 3x this week you've damn near had a melt down on me because you came home and were having a bad night. Last night you told me that I do something everyday that irratates you. Do have any idea how heartbreaking that is to your 8mo pregnant wife who is on disability due to her pregnancy, with anxiety and history of high blood pressure and stress??? Do you honestly think the ONLY stress has been work? NO! I'm stressed in every aspect yet you can't pull your head out of your own ass to realize that you aren't the only one that is stressed!!! I'm trying to be supportive to you and I'm not sure what else I could possibly do for you. Yet, I haven't received a damn thing from you and I'm the one pregnant.
MEN CAN BE SUCH IDIOTS SOMETIMES I SWEAR!!!!!!
Still has not clue, even attempting to tell him. Nothing. When I speak, he feels that I'm giving him a guilt trip. That's NOT my fault! I'm not speaking rudely at all! That's his own issue he needs to get passed. Therefeore, I'm unable to communicate to him where I'm coming from because he just feels guilty when I tell him. WTF is that about ?!??!?!
This is some bullshit. All I can do is cry and I feel my blood boiling.
At this point I'd rather be ALONE!!! (Meaning just go away so I don't have to deal with this bullshit!)
Tonight, isn't looking any brighter. I am so beyond frustrated and all you can do is focus on yourdemanding job that frustrates you. So I'm supposed to stroke your back and tell you I'm sorry you have a boss that is so unorganized and likes to dip into the fund for the fleet and not maintain his trucks for his employees so now ALL OF THEM are broken! I told you to go above him, or go to HR, it's not about him being a sorry ass manager now it's been about your safety for quite sometime. You come home in a foul ass mood and treat me like shit because of how your long day went. Today you got stranded because the truck broke down and there was fuel everywhere, all over the engine. Ummmm hello you're lucky it didn't explode in your face and you didn't die (yes I'm aware I'm exaggerating)! Is it just me or can you not see the SAFETY concerns here??
I am not a high maintenance woman. I do not complain. I do not give you a hard time because your job requires you to be away from your family more than you are home with us. I do not tell you that something has to change. I do not tell you that I'm lonely. I do not tell you that I'm stressed. I do not tell you that I'm frustrated. I do not tell you because I do not want to add to your plate.
What I do tell you is through tears when you consistantly hurt my feelings because YOU'RE frustrated. I do tell you that I miss you. I do tell you when you have hurt my feelings.
Yet, 3x this week you've damn near had a melt down on me because you came home and were having a bad night. Last night you told me that I do something everyday that irratates you. Do have any idea how heartbreaking that is to your 8mo pregnant wife who is on disability due to her pregnancy, with anxiety and history of high blood pressure and stress??? Do you honestly think the ONLY stress has been work? NO! I'm stressed in every aspect yet you can't pull your head out of your own ass to realize that you aren't the only one that is stressed!!! I'm trying to be supportive to you and I'm not sure what else I could possibly do for you. Yet, I haven't received a damn thing from you and I'm the one pregnant.
MEN CAN BE SUCH IDIOTS SOMETIMES I SWEAR!!!!!!
Still has not clue, even attempting to tell him. Nothing. When I speak, he feels that I'm giving him a guilt trip. That's NOT my fault! I'm not speaking rudely at all! That's his own issue he needs to get passed. Therefeore, I'm unable to communicate to him where I'm coming from because he just feels guilty when I tell him. WTF is that about ?!??!?!
This is some bullshit. All I can do is cry and I feel my blood boiling.
At this point I'd rather be ALONE!!! (Meaning just go away so I don't have to deal with this bullshit!)
Friday, October 7, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Wait....it gets better
Saturday I stubbornly thought I was feeling a little better so I go to my mom's since DJ got called into work and had to go to Fresno at 6am. Jayden, my mom and I go to the Giant Pumpkin Festival at Elk Grove Park. We walk from my parents house and we walk all the way around the pond. I had to stop and sit 2x just cause I needed to rest my back. We come home and I realized I probably did too much by going.
THEN Sunday comes along. I wake up at 630 with Jayden, go back to bed at 830 woke up at 11, went back to bed at 1 woke up at 330. Took a shower at 430 and went back to bed not having any energy what so ever. I then realized at 530 I hadn't felt the baby move very much all day. I probably felt her 4x total. So I text Brie and she tells me call the nurse. I'm like eh....ya....ok fine. I call the RN and the RN pages the on call Dr. The on call Dr tells me to eat or drink something sugary lay on my side and try and count 10 movements in an hour. If I don't then I can (not should) go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital for monitoring. I thankfully got some movement within an hour and passed out. I had everyone worried because I didn't give them an update before I fell asleep. =( Whoops.
So now, today is monday....and I'm ready to go back to bed! I'm calling my boss to let him know and will go in later. I feel like crap!!
THEN Sunday comes along. I wake up at 630 with Jayden, go back to bed at 830 woke up at 11, went back to bed at 1 woke up at 330. Took a shower at 430 and went back to bed not having any energy what so ever. I then realized at 530 I hadn't felt the baby move very much all day. I probably felt her 4x total. So I text Brie and she tells me call the nurse. I'm like eh....ya....ok fine. I call the RN and the RN pages the on call Dr. The on call Dr tells me to eat or drink something sugary lay on my side and try and count 10 movements in an hour. If I don't then I can (not should) go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital for monitoring. I thankfully got some movement within an hour and passed out. I had everyone worried because I didn't give them an update before I fell asleep. =( Whoops.
So now, today is monday....and I'm ready to go back to bed! I'm calling my boss to let him know and will go in later. I feel like crap!!
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