I would make a counselor appointment in a heartbeat if I could make it with Paul. But I can't. He's become our marriage counselor and therefore you can't see him as an individual because you would "tip the scale" so to speak in him being more "favorable" to one vs the other. OR there are no secrets. I can't go and tell him anything that he or I wouldn't be able to discuss in front of Dj. I'm not saying that I have all secrets, yet sometimes you just want to be able to talk to someone else about certain things with out having to disclose your every thought and feeling. Sometimes your spouse just isn't the one to understand and that's ok.
So where does that leave me. Having to search for a brand new counselor. Who doesn't know me or my past and I'd have to start from square one? Ummmm no thank you I'll pass. There's no way that I'm going to start from the beginning to try and explain what I'm feeling currently.
So.....still haven't decided how much I'm going to tell my OB Dr today....I'm not trying to be tough and strong or even stubborn. I just don't see what good it will do. Of course any major concerns for the baby's sake will be addressed but.....the rest of my thoughts just feel like my own bullshit. At least if I wasn't pregnant I would be able to smoke, drink, self medicate, get a tattoo to equal out the pain...last time I felt like this I.....
Damn I wish I could go back to bed!!
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