Tomorrow

So tomorrow I have my doctor's appointment and I'm debating whether or not to spill all or go in and act like everything is fine. Is there really going to be a difference in outcome?
I just glanced down at my feet and had to take a double......geez they're fat! lol gross. great now i feel like a whale and look like one too and now I get to have cankles? LOL. Hooray.
You know I look back on certain behaviors that I have had in my past and one stood out to me. Having a mental block when trying to eat. Have you ever tried or been in the middle of eating and all of a sudden you feel like you are going to throw up? Well I have and I'm not sick. Well you know what I mean, not the flu or anything. lol. I maybe sick in the head....and lately I feel like I'm loosing it and quite honestly it's a little scary. I've never felt out of control....like my emotions are coming and going and they are up and then they are down and then a wave hits me then calm, etc. Geezus I know I'm pregnant but this is beyond any hormonal changes.
I cried because Jayden spilt a box of milk duds all over my side of the bed. I cried because I tried telling Dj why I was upset, that all I do is clean clean clean and it's frustrating. His response, "so and so (I don't remember the name he used) and your mom did it. Surely you can survive it." Which sent me into another round of tears locking myself in the bathroom.
Eventually the house got cleaned, Jayden went to Grandma's and Dj and I went on our date for our Anniversary. It was a great weekend overall.
Why can't I just shake these shadows that are lingering deep within my heart. I feel like "someone" is about to die and I'm anticipating a death of a loved one. If that makes any sense what so ever....
I know I sound crazy. It makes my skin crawl just trying to voice how I feel.