Zac Brown Band - Quiet Your Mind #7 (With Lyrics)

This song is simply......perfect!!

I hear the waves
Sun beatin' down on my shoulders
It's a near-perfect day
Wishin' I wouldn't get any older
They say that it's gone 'fore you know it now

Quiet your mind
Soak it all in
It's a game you can't win
Enjoy the ride

I feel the change
Goin' on all around me
It's strange
How I'm taken and guided
Where I end up right I'm needed to be

Quiet your mind
Soak it all in
It's a game you can't win
Enjoy the ride

At the end of the water
A red sun is risin'
And the stars are all goin' away
And if you're too busy talkin'
You're not busy listenin'
To hear what the land has to say

Quiet your mind

I hear the waves
Sun beatin' down on my shoulders
It's a near-perfect day
Wishin' I wouldn't get any older
They say that it's gone 'fore you know it and
Soak it all in
It's a game you can't win
Enjoy the ride

A Quick "thank you"

I just have to thank you for making the comment that changed how I think and feel about you. It has made it so much easier on me moving forward you have no idea. It's so much easier to be in a "I'll show you" mood vs. sad & missing you. I don't know why you didn't say it sooner. It's given me the upper hand in letting go. All that wondering, fear of letting go, desire and heart full of love/memories I didn't want to let go..... all seems to be becoming water under the bridge now.

I had a quick relapse last night watching a movie. All I had to do was shut it off, get up off the couch and go do something else.

Viola!

You were right. This is better. Thank you.

Quote

Life never leaves you empty; it always replaces everything you lost. If it asks you to put something down, it’s because it wants you to pick up something better

It's my Party...I can cry if I want to.....cry if I want to

Thankfully the roller coaster ride of tears, tears and more tears came yesterday!

Today has been wonderful and it all started yesterday afternoon....

Dj and I had a counseling appointment which went well yet I feel stupid when our counselor says, "You two are doing great! You're doing everything right, you have the key component of communication" Yet we managed to chat (catch up) for an hour then he asks if we should schedule another appointment or would we like to just call. Meaning, there's really no need for you to come you guys are doing great. Thanks I guess my proactive approach to our chaotic life in front of us was a useless attempt. Whatever, I know where to find him if I need him (I guess).

So Dj & I have the opportunity to grab dinner childless and we take it! We literally drove around midtown trying to figure out what we wanted to eat (I hate that if I had an opportunity I would have or should have just pulled over). Then realized, let's go to Selland's! In our old stomping ground we go to the lil delicatessen and I already had been craving their pepperoni pizza w/ Basil for awhile now so I ordered me a whole pizza! LOL. I also got a side of delicious berries....mmmmm I love berries. =) Dj got a mushroom chicken breast with mashed potatoes and some type of salad. I remember their water was so delicious I'd walk there with Jayden just to guzzle some up when going for our walks around the neighborhood. They have about 6 pitchers of ice water and some of them have orange, lime or lemon sliced in it. It's absolutely the best tasting water I've ever had. So Dj gets 2 pepsi's for dinner and I just fill up 2 cups of free water. LOL

We took to cars to get to our appointment and I drop him off at his car and head back to Elk Grove in rush our 99 traffic at 6pm, yay me! I make it to my mom's by 645 to pick up Jayden to find him in the back yard in a T-shirt and a diaper playing with his water toys and bubbles. The kid loves bubbles. But not just the bubbles, the concept. He likes to take the bubble wand, dip it and blow in attempt to make a bubble. LOL. We bought a lil water gun and he loves to push buttons. As long as it does something (it doesn't even have to) he loves it. He also enjoys turning light switches off since he can't reach to turn them on quite yet. =)

Jayden and I are home by 715 and I had to go pee (6mo prego my bladder is getting smaller and smaller) so I tell Dj and he tells Jayden "Come on let's go in the garage" I didn't think anything of it because they're always playing in there. It's one of Jayden's favorite places to be. I go tinkle and go to find them and there sit Jayden in the baby swing, I giggle, yet behind him is a brand new beautiful perfect purple bike with a purple bow and card attached! HOORAY!! The height, tires, color everything was perfect!! I am so excited and I can't wait for family bike rides! All we gotta do is find a seat for Jayden!! My card was so sweet....my boys did great!!

I grab the card my mom stuck in Jayden's diaper bag before I go to bed and decided to open it early. It was a cute card from my mom and dad and in it was $100 bill and a little drawing on the left hand side of a rocking chair my dad drew. =) I'm assuming that that money is to help with the cost of the new recliner I so desperately want to buy! I can't wait to find one before Lilly comes!

This morning I woke with Jayden at 6am. I love my mornings with him once im up/awake. He is so happy in the morning and so loving. He dances in bed watching Nick Jr., greets his kitties by calling them "meow" and waiving, he plays peek-a boo with his blankies. He's just in a great mood 99% of the time. Fully charged for the day. LOL.

Then it's off to work. I left the house at 745, being bad I stopped at got a donut. yum! And once I reach Franklin there is a sign alerting us of an accident on I-5 at Jst. Dang it. It took me almost 45min to get to work but it wasn't too bad. My mind was drifting off on so many things. LOL I hardly noticed the delay.

I'm here at work and receiving birthday hugs from my staff. Mid morning I get a delivery from Edible Arrangements. A dozen delicious chocolate dipped strawberries from my siter in-law in South Carolina! Awwwwwwwww I love her!!!! I felt so loved. LOL. It was awesome I shared with my coworkers and put the rest in the fridge. =) I'll be taking those bad boys home to share with my lil bad boys at home and eat the rest in bed for dessert. Hahaha! I'm not joking. =)

At lunch my co-workers treated me to pizza & salad buffet. THEN this afternoon they bust out an ice cream cake yell surprise and I told them please don't sing. LOL.

I haven't even left work yet and it has already been an amazing day!! I am so blessed!

Heading home to my boys!!!!!

*****************************************

So the rest of my evening was simply perfect.
Grandma took Jayden.
Took a trip to Toys R us with my honey and went to the Macaroni Grill for dinner
When we went to pick up Jayden he was outside with my mom and dad with the broom pointed up in the air with only a T-shirt, diaper, socks and shoes. LOL He was a BUSY bee!!! Too cute.
Went to pick up my Partylite stuff that came in perfectly on my birthday! =) Wahoo!

Needless to say I had a wonderful birthday and the celebration will continue when we take Jayden to San Francisco for the first time this weekend! So EXCITED!!! =)

Lily at 23wks in the womb

Good Morning my sweet babygirl,
Mommy bought a rather large iced coffee this morning and needed a jump start to her day. I felt that you enjoyed it too, literally giving me the jump start. It is amazing how incredibly strong you are for only being one pound and one foot long. Your somersaults makes my belly stretch and sometimes makes me light headed for 30sec. You sure are getting good at your gymnastics. We're almost 6mo into this pregnancy journey and I'm sure starting to FEEL you in everyway. It's getting harder to get up quickly, my pants still fit but my shirts are feeling tight. My hips ache at night and my bladder seems to be shrinking. My skin is like a desert floor and hair is growing in places that I didn't think was possible. I hate reaching to shave my legs, now I sit on our bathroom counter and shave them in the sink. I have the worst tension headaches as well as in my shoulders. My emotions are sometimes uncontrollable as well as my moods and temper. I sometimes think "I hate this" but as soon as I even think such a thought I quickly remember how much of a "blessing" this all is to feel every ache, pain, stressor, emotion, hormonal inbalance, rage, fear, worry, everything seems to go from negative to positive a within a matter of seconds.

Because in the same breath I can't wait to see your face and kiss your lips, have your hand wrap around my finger. Kiss those sweet baby feet that I will not be able to let go of (ask your brother). I want to just stare at you in the wee hours of the night just because I can. Dress you in all sorts of cute girly outfits that I have been eyeballing for the past decade of wishing. I want to learn how to make all those adorable bows and headbands for you to wear until you grow hair. I want to hold you and rock you to sleep like we briefly were able to do for Jayden until he became too independent so quickly. I want to protect you from harm and give you the biggest loving enviornment any child could ever want. I want to teach you right from wrong while I pull my hair out because it's challenging to teach and even harder to learn. I want to give you nice relaxing baths and to show your silly brother there is nothing to be afraid of. I want to be the best mommy I can be to you and Jayden.

I will always remember that I will do anything and everything to take care of you because I love you with every single inch of my heart and every fiber of my being. My family means more to me than anything else in this world ever could. I can not even begin to describe how happy I am to be Dj's wife and a mommy to you and Jayden. You mean everything to me and everything is you.
I can't wait to meet you my Lily girl.


Love,

Mommy

Shawty got low low low low

I had my endocrinology appointment Thursday. I arrived on time waiting for the MA to call me back and when she did I was escorted to the dreaded scale. I stepped on with out flinching and when I saw the number I wanted to cry! Trying to hold it together to not be an emotional basket case as I walk down the hallway to an exam room. I'm distracted by getting my blood pressure taken (120/72) and my pulse (88) she asked me about my current medications only levoxyl and prenatals and was making some updates etc and the whole time my mind is STUCK on my weight. I was doing sooooooooooooo good being right on target and being so proud of not gaining too much this pregnancy vs last time I gained 50lb!
I had already received a phone call earlier in the week regarding my lab work coming back abnormal. My levels were WHACK! My TSH was at 17.24 and the normal range is 0.34-4.82. When you are "high" you are hypothyroid meaning sluggish. When you are "low" you are actually hyperthyroid feeling jittery and overcompensated. My T4 was somewhat normal so that was good.
My Doc comes in and discusses what happened. I told her that I didn't realize I was taking the wrong dosage until I went to the pharmacy to pick up my refill and they stated they didn't have my rx ready. They confirmed that I needed the 175mcg and I instantly thought, Oh shit! I said yes, knowing that was right, yet grabbed the bottle in my purse and read 150mcg. Damn it! I had been taking the wrong dosage for the past MONTH!!! I get the proper refill and of course realize I've been going to bed between 7-9pm because of my levels were too low, not because im pregnant! Ugh!! She tells me that she needs to adjust my levels again and so now I'm at 400mcg daily. In case you don't know, this is a HUGE jump. 100mcg increase has only happened once in the 6 yrs I've been taking levoxyl. Usually you increase 25 or 50mcg max at a time. So long story short.
I get my blood drawn every 4 wks until Jan
I have my new rx to fill of 200mcg 2x daily
I have my annual thyroid ultrasound to be sched at the end of December
and I have my follow up appt sched for beginning of Jan

TADA!

THEN..........

I have my routine OB appt yesterday. Basically I broke down because I gained too much weight in my eyes. My Dr reassured me that I was doing fine and said our thyroid is like a master cylinder, everything revolves around it working properly. She told me I should feel better in about 2 wks (which I knew) and tried my best to turn off my tears apologizing .  She asked if I needed any FMLA or disability papers filled out until I start to feel better. I thanked her for the offer but told her my boss is out until September so I will have no trouble flexing my schedule as needed.
She then turns the attention to my 20wk ultrasound results. She said everything looked good, and not too worry but she would like to take another look at Lilly's renal pelvis. Ummmm ok. Not to worry, got it. Emotional and hormonal a bit? yes. Not to worry? ok got it. lol. I'm really not worrying but ugh. You know some things just remain in the back of your mind.

So I get to do my 2nd glucose testing in 3 wks (drink the nasty juice and get poked 3x while mandated to sit at the lab for 2 hrs oh joy!)
AND I have a 2nd ultrasound to double check Lilly's kidneys

Meanwhile I'm supposed to just relax until I feel better while chasing Jayden (who's going on 3) and take care of work and home......

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you're funny!!!!

SWING batter batter

Let the mood swings begin! Wednesday night I came home and Dj had cleaned the bathroom, picked up our room, vaccumed and hung up our wedding and baby shower picture & signature mat finally! LOL I was completely exhausted yet so happy to hear of all these projects and tasks being completed.
We were all hanging out in the living room discussing what we wanted to do for dinner and all of a sudden when my brother and I mentioned we wanted to keep it simple and make Kabasa and Macaroni & Cheese Dj starts whinning about it. He hates the smell of food lingering through the house. It's one of his pet peeves. Of course turning on the fan above the stove, opening the 4 possible kitchen windows and inserting a fan in one of them to help move the fumes out isn't enough to him. There are few foods that make him go crazy. Kabasa is one of them. He doesn't like to smell it nor eat it. He began to tell me that we are to cook it out on the grill. I'm already annoyed by him and I can't help but spit out "you mean to tell me that you are telling your pregnant wife she can't cook her dinner in the kitchen and she's to go outside in the 95 degree heat and grill it?!" He realized what he was saying and offered to grill it for me but I was already annoyed. In addition we have Jayden running in and out wanting to grill with Daddy because he's obsessed with the BBQ. Once he's done he goes into our room.
Jayden and I are cleaning up the living room while we wait for the mac & cheese to finish. Ryan realizes that I'm frustrated and tells Jayden "Come on Jayden let's go play and give mommy a break" I tell him thank you and continue picking up. Oh forgot to mention I was vaccuming earlier and something got stuck and started to smell burning so I turned it off. I tried fixing it and I got frustrated walked into our room to ask Dj for help and he's wearing headphones. I didn't realize this and I flip the wireless keyboard up to get his attention. It accidently bumps him in the face and he FLIPS out and throws it across the room at our bookshelf (which has our flat screen tv in it). I just stand there in shock and tell him "leave! Go somewhere" He tells me he's not going anywhere and I said fine then I will. I turn off my pot of water on the stove, grab my keys, purse and leave the house immediately starting to cry. I get in my car and just drive. I was so upset by the chain of events I couldn't stop crying. There is so much going on with my brother living there and how Dj deals with it, he's moving out in 2 mo, having bilateral jaw surgery, we're having another baby in November, Dj's injured his hand (latest update could have been fractured the whole time and is now getting an MRI to determine), in fear of loosing his job, Jayden's age is challenging and so much more.
I'm trying to calm down as I drive with tears rolling down my cheeks not knowing where I should go. I drive around the corner to the park by our house and park the car to try and get a grip. Of course the box of kleenex that I usually keep behind my seat ran out and I haven't replaced it so I'm left with 3 napkins I located in the glove compartment. I get a grip and I start driving, crying with control what ever that is. I get on the freeway thinking I'll go downtown then realize that's a lot of traffic coming back (it's 6pm). So I get off at Mack Rd and head south back towards EG. I pass the furniture by Costco wanting to stop. I lift my sunglasses and look in my rear view mirror and decide there ain't no way I'm going inside any store looking like this! My eyes look like I just smoked an ounce I look LIT! So I keep driving. Wanting to talk I text Brie (forgot my phone at home I used my wk cell). No response (for awhile), I text my mom asking her if she ate dinner yet. I didn't want to show up on my parents doorstep crying involving them. I ended up going to check out I made it (paint your own pottery studio on E Stockton Blvd) I've been wanting to go in there for a while. I finally made it in and turns out one of the ladies that works there is a friend from high schools mom. It was just what I needed, a distracted conversation and to look at my old hobby that made me happy! I LOVED to paint pottery. I am defintely going back and making a family plate with all our hands on it. =) Maybe I'll start now and just add her hand when she gets here then fire it and it will be done! =)
I met my mom for yogurt afterwards, now that I'm in control of my emotions and we chat about all sorts of stuff. My dad even tracked us down and joined us.
I left feeling better, yet I was hungry! So I go to Osaka Sushi and get my favorite sushi roll and boy was it delish. I was actually nice and called Dj asking if he wanted to join me (it being 8pm) he said he was going to bed (he had to be up at 4am for work) I said ok and enjoyed my roll all alone (no really it was nice).
I come home and 30min later and he's still awake. I'm instantly peeved because he said he was going to bed. We don't talk and I go to bed mad. I hate doing that I want to punch him, whack him with a pillow or kick him off the bed in his sleep when I go to bed angry. UGH!