Sunday, July 31, 2011
Carrie Underwood - I Told You So
Dedicated to you.
Wow. I loved this song when it came out. Now it brings on a whole new meaning.
Friday, July 29, 2011
To block or not to block
I've recently wanted to make my blog private. There is one reader that I would like to block, however, only being a public reader I can't do that.
THEN I discovered the Stats tab. Holy crap! I thought that I was making this blog thinking I'd only have a few followers and it's for myself anyway so whatever.
Did you know that I've had over 500 people read my blog since I've started?! DANG! That may seem like nothing to some of you major bloggers out there but to lil ole me that's pretty cool!! I can see what Countries are reading my blog, such as Malaysia, India, Germany, South Africa. I can see where they are reading from such as Browsers or Operating Systems. I know if Fire Fox or Internet Explorer is being used for example. Also, if you are using your Android, Windows phones or an ipad! How awesome is that???
I know someone is thinking, can you tell if it's me? No I can't. But I'm debating keeping in public vs private.
To be determined...
THEN I discovered the Stats tab. Holy crap! I thought that I was making this blog thinking I'd only have a few followers and it's for myself anyway so whatever.
Did you know that I've had over 500 people read my blog since I've started?! DANG! That may seem like nothing to some of you major bloggers out there but to lil ole me that's pretty cool!! I can see what Countries are reading my blog, such as Malaysia, India, Germany, South Africa. I can see where they are reading from such as Browsers or Operating Systems. I know if Fire Fox or Internet Explorer is being used for example. Also, if you are using your Android, Windows phones or an ipad! How awesome is that???
I know someone is thinking, can you tell if it's me? No I can't. But I'm debating keeping in public vs private.
To be determined...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Salt on an open wound...again and again
This song can be disected into more ways then one.
"You're a lover I'm a runner
We go 'round 'n 'round
And I love you but I leave you
I don't want you but I need you
You know it's you who calls me back here
And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
* * * *
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then
I can't wait till then"
So many interpretations...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Annoyed Part II
Today's a brand new day......filled with brand new bullshit. Happy Wednesday.
You seriously couldn't have done this, again, at a more horrible time. Shame on me for letting my guard down. Amazing how quickly I felt so "safe" again. Knowing nothing was for certain but I've learned from this myself too. I've learned not to trust you. That the words that you say don't match in your actions. I know that sounds like a hypocrite, but it is what it is. I feel like it's a total copout. That your running away from yourself and not me. Your in fear and that's what puts the fire under your ass to keep moving and bouncing along in life. It appears that you forgot who YOU were talking to. Guess I'm stronger than you in that aspect. No pact, agreement needed. There are always possibilites in life. Keep yourself away from the danger.
This time it's permanent. NEVER to be heard from again.
"..if we can make it through the landslide standing, we'll lift each other up to see the bliss on the horizon.."
You seriously couldn't have done this, again, at a more horrible time. Shame on me for letting my guard down. Amazing how quickly I felt so "safe" again. Knowing nothing was for certain but I've learned from this myself too. I've learned not to trust you. That the words that you say don't match in your actions. I know that sounds like a hypocrite, but it is what it is. I feel like it's a total copout. That your running away from yourself and not me. Your in fear and that's what puts the fire under your ass to keep moving and bouncing along in life. It appears that you forgot who YOU were talking to. Guess I'm stronger than you in that aspect. No pact, agreement needed. There are always possibilites in life. Keep yourself away from the danger.
This time it's permanent. NEVER to be heard from again.
"..if we can make it through the landslide standing, we'll lift each other up to see the bliss on the horizon.."
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Annoyed
It sucks when you completely realize you are reacting to something that you shouldn't be. When someone tells you something, that has nothing to do with you. Why do you flinch? Why do you care? Why do you find yourself pondering and reflecting over something that is no longer your concern nor should it bother you in the first place. Not having any right to feel that way BUT YOU DO.
Then you can't help but be sassy. Throw in a remark that you don't mean but can't hold your tongue not to "say" it.
Blaming my hormones would just be opting out. It would be too easy to say that's why I feel the way that I do. Yet sometimes, things just bug you. End of story. Right?
Today I have had the mindset of being a better day then yesterday. For the most part it has been. I can't lie it really has been better. Yet I know I'm easily flustered and that's what I'm going to "chop it up to" that is all.
P.S. If my BFF moves to Japan for 3 yrs I am seriously going to.....breath....I don't know for sure yet.
P.P.S And I get called out on my sassy mouth?!?! LOL love it.
Then you can't help but be sassy. Throw in a remark that you don't mean but can't hold your tongue not to "say" it.
Blaming my hormones would just be opting out. It would be too easy to say that's why I feel the way that I do. Yet sometimes, things just bug you. End of story. Right?
Today I have had the mindset of being a better day then yesterday. For the most part it has been. I can't lie it really has been better. Yet I know I'm easily flustered and that's what I'm going to "chop it up to" that is all.
P.S. If my BFF moves to Japan for 3 yrs I am seriously going to.....breath....I don't know for sure yet.
P.P.S And I get called out on my sassy mouth?!?! LOL love it.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Hopes Up....fail
So today was our 20wk ultrasound appointment. I scheduled it a month ago. Dj and I had our gender ultrasound at 17wks so he told me after I had invited Julianna that he was going to go to work so he didn't miss any time and that her and I could go. He said I just saw the baby a few weeks ago. I was ok with that.
So the time comes and Dj was taken off work for 2 wks because he has some kind of tendonitis. He's in a splint and in so much pain he's on Norco and motrin. =( Anyhow, I ask him if he wanted to go work not being an issue now. Originally he said, it's ok you two girls can go. Which I didn't think very much about it then realized how much it bothered me. When I asked him again he said sure I'll go. I thought, good answer. LOL
So we leave at 715am to go pick up Ju downtown and head out to Roseville. I originally had my appt scheduled in Elk Grove but ran into an old co-worker who is now the Supervisor over the Imaging locations and she encouraged me to go because they have new 3D equipment. "I could see more of the baby for free" I thought win win right?
haha....ya right
We get to Roseville a little early stop at starbucks and head over to the Imaging office. I check in 5min early and they ask me did you drink your water? I said, no (remembering the instructions from when I used to work in Imaging) they didn't tell me! Honest!! Ugh so now I get to guzzle four 8oz cups of water. I do so. Drinking cold water is my favorite anyway. I wait about 10min and I'm called back. I have Dj & Ju follow me. I say Good Morning to the ultrasound tech at the door, she does not introduce herself to me (according to Sutter scripting you are to introduce yourself, she fails). We go back to the room I lay on the exam table unbutton my jeans and wiggle them down so my belly is exposed. At this point the tech is not saying much but I already get the vibe that she isn't very friendly. I tell her my friend has never seen an ultrasound before. She replies, "me either". haha we giggle. Yet when she started the ultrasound she tells me, "I understand you didn't drink your water so lets see how full it is and we can go from there. Ok so she checks, "it's not as full as I'd like it to be so I'm going to go ahead and take all these measurments, there's about 40 here and then I'll turn the screen and we can take a look at the baby." I thought ok, I was able to see the screen when I had Jayden's ultrasound but whatever. I'm really trying to not snap at her because for one, I'm an employee and already feel that I'm not receiving great patient care two, as a patient I'm not satisfied, and three, I'm a hormonal, emotional pregnant woman i'm trying not to sit up and slap her across her face. I was so disappointed!!
I laid there for almost 30min and had to tilt my head up awkwardly to be able to see the screen!! I'm glad Julianna saw it all. She tried asking a question like when the tech typed AR on the screen she wanted to know what that meant. The tech responded, "Abdominal radius" with the attitude of "can't you see that" . Look bitch, WE are not the technicians here. WE do not know exactly what we are looking at!
I told her my favorite part was being able to hear the heartbeat. I asked her if we would be able to hear it and she shakes her head no. I waited for a reason to her answer......and then she says we aren't sure with this equipment if there are any effects to the baby so we don't use the sound waves.
THEN I asked can we have a 3D sneak peek? ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I DROVE ALL THE WAY TO ROSEVILLE....she tells me, "you don't have the greatest conditions (forget the word she said) to do it. There isn't enough fluid." We were all like, uhhhhhh, what do you mean?!?!? Dj finally asked,"is that because her bladder isn't full?" And she says, "no she's up against the wall and there isn't any fluid in between. plus her hands will get in the way" I didn't say anything because obviously I'm not the professional yet I totally felt like I was being lied to! I was thinking to myself I had a 3D pic of Jayden all with hands next to his face it doesn't make a difference!!
So she wraps up what she needs to capture and says lets have a look at that bladder. She pressed so hard on my pelvic bone I almost jumped off the table in a V shape position and smacked her out of auto reaction! OUCH!! What the hell is your problem? Do you not know how to locate a bladder? It's definitely NOT under that thing that feels like a rock called my BONE!! After she was done I wiped my belly and went to the restroom to empty my FULL bladder (thank you). Dj and Ju asked if everything was ok and the tech says "Oh im just the ultrasound tech, I just take the pictures, you'll have to wait for the radiologist to let the dr know if anything is wrong. Plus if anything were wrong, I wouldn't want to be the one to tell you" WTF?!
I left deeply disappointed.
So as I'm trying not to cry while driving because now I'm thinking, shit what if there IS something wrong and I don't know it yet. =(
LUCKILY, I have online access to my medical records and I got an email notification saying I had a message. I log on and my Nurse Practitioner sent me an email saying "Hi Christy, Ultrasound looks great! Be Well ~Robyn" I was so relieved! I thought I would have to wait a couple days for the results but I finally felt I was receiving the patient care I knew I should have this morning. THEN I walked over to my old office asked if the ultrasound techs were busy (they weren't), swiped my badge and walked to the back to ask my old co-worker a ultrasound technician, if all what I was told this morning was accurate. For the most part, I can scratch the feeling of being lied to off my list. Yet, the overall experience...FAIL!!!!!
Tomorrow is a brand new day! Tuesday in Natomas, I enjoy my commute. =)
So the time comes and Dj was taken off work for 2 wks because he has some kind of tendonitis. He's in a splint and in so much pain he's on Norco and motrin. =( Anyhow, I ask him if he wanted to go work not being an issue now. Originally he said, it's ok you two girls can go. Which I didn't think very much about it then realized how much it bothered me. When I asked him again he said sure I'll go. I thought, good answer. LOL
So we leave at 715am to go pick up Ju downtown and head out to Roseville. I originally had my appt scheduled in Elk Grove but ran into an old co-worker who is now the Supervisor over the Imaging locations and she encouraged me to go because they have new 3D equipment. "I could see more of the baby for free" I thought win win right?
haha....ya right
We get to Roseville a little early stop at starbucks and head over to the Imaging office. I check in 5min early and they ask me did you drink your water? I said, no (remembering the instructions from when I used to work in Imaging) they didn't tell me! Honest!! Ugh so now I get to guzzle four 8oz cups of water. I do so. Drinking cold water is my favorite anyway. I wait about 10min and I'm called back. I have Dj & Ju follow me. I say Good Morning to the ultrasound tech at the door, she does not introduce herself to me (according to Sutter scripting you are to introduce yourself, she fails). We go back to the room I lay on the exam table unbutton my jeans and wiggle them down so my belly is exposed. At this point the tech is not saying much but I already get the vibe that she isn't very friendly. I tell her my friend has never seen an ultrasound before. She replies, "me either". haha we giggle. Yet when she started the ultrasound she tells me, "I understand you didn't drink your water so lets see how full it is and we can go from there. Ok so she checks, "it's not as full as I'd like it to be so I'm going to go ahead and take all these measurments, there's about 40 here and then I'll turn the screen and we can take a look at the baby." I thought ok, I was able to see the screen when I had Jayden's ultrasound but whatever. I'm really trying to not snap at her because for one, I'm an employee and already feel that I'm not receiving great patient care two, as a patient I'm not satisfied, and three, I'm a hormonal, emotional pregnant woman i'm trying not to sit up and slap her across her face. I was so disappointed!!
I laid there for almost 30min and had to tilt my head up awkwardly to be able to see the screen!! I'm glad Julianna saw it all. She tried asking a question like when the tech typed AR on the screen she wanted to know what that meant. The tech responded, "Abdominal radius" with the attitude of "can't you see that" . Look bitch, WE are not the technicians here. WE do not know exactly what we are looking at!
I told her my favorite part was being able to hear the heartbeat. I asked her if we would be able to hear it and she shakes her head no. I waited for a reason to her answer......and then she says we aren't sure with this equipment if there are any effects to the baby so we don't use the sound waves.
THEN I asked can we have a 3D sneak peek? ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I DROVE ALL THE WAY TO ROSEVILLE....she tells me, "you don't have the greatest conditions (forget the word she said) to do it. There isn't enough fluid." We were all like, uhhhhhh, what do you mean?!?!? Dj finally asked,"is that because her bladder isn't full?" And she says, "no she's up against the wall and there isn't any fluid in between. plus her hands will get in the way" I didn't say anything because obviously I'm not the professional yet I totally felt like I was being lied to! I was thinking to myself I had a 3D pic of Jayden all with hands next to his face it doesn't make a difference!!
So she wraps up what she needs to capture and says lets have a look at that bladder. She pressed so hard on my pelvic bone I almost jumped off the table in a V shape position and smacked her out of auto reaction! OUCH!! What the hell is your problem? Do you not know how to locate a bladder? It's definitely NOT under that thing that feels like a rock called my BONE!! After she was done I wiped my belly and went to the restroom to empty my FULL bladder (thank you). Dj and Ju asked if everything was ok and the tech says "Oh im just the ultrasound tech, I just take the pictures, you'll have to wait for the radiologist to let the dr know if anything is wrong. Plus if anything were wrong, I wouldn't want to be the one to tell you" WTF?!
I left deeply disappointed.
So as I'm trying not to cry while driving because now I'm thinking, shit what if there IS something wrong and I don't know it yet. =(
LUCKILY, I have online access to my medical records and I got an email notification saying I had a message. I log on and my Nurse Practitioner sent me an email saying "Hi Christy, Ultrasound looks great! Be Well ~Robyn" I was so relieved! I thought I would have to wait a couple days for the results but I finally felt I was receiving the patient care I knew I should have this morning. THEN I walked over to my old office asked if the ultrasound techs were busy (they weren't), swiped my badge and walked to the back to ask my old co-worker a ultrasound technician, if all what I was told this morning was accurate. For the most part, I can scratch the feeling of being lied to off my list. Yet, the overall experience...FAIL!!!!!
Tomorrow is a brand new day! Tuesday in Natomas, I enjoy my commute. =)
Friday, July 22, 2011
I ain't settling
Lilly and I rocked out to one of mommy's old favorites this morning on our way to work! I used to sing my heart out to this song
I ain't settlin'
For just getting by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low
So raise the bar high
"Just enough," ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything
There always seemed to be something missing growing up. I never knew what it was...so I could never really answer the question, "what do you want?" I know there was more than one person frustrated trying to understand what it is I was looking for. To this day, I can't pinpoint what was missing that kept me searching.
All I know is that I feel fulfilled. Getting married didn't even give me the awarding feeling that I have now. I am amazed that I am married with a son and a daughter on the way. It blows me away where I am in life. I have a good job that I enjoy and have been here for 7 1/2 yrs. In today's economy I am extremely greatful to be so lucky to work for such an admirable organization that takes such wonderful care of their employees. Our pensions are FULLY funded. It's almost unheard of these days with all that is happening.
I have had a baby! Something that I have wanted for sooooooooooooooooo long. I didn't dream of my wedding like most girls. I was waiting since 13 to be old enough to have a baby of my own. Now that Jayden is here, I believe that is where my completeness comes from. Words can not describe how incredibly thankful I am for the amazing gift of bearing a child, and I've been blessed a 2nd time. With a daughter, that up until I had a boy I thought would be my dream come true. However, Jayden is amazing, and I am beyond happy to have any baby that is healthy regardless of gender. I haven't even had baby #2 yet and I'm already desiring a 3rd. LOL. I have several friends that struggle with this and my heart and prayers go out to them.
Life has never seemed so......BLESSED!
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